The Lesson
I developed a system during my study year in India of patiently and firmly demanding my own space. It is an unnerving experience to arrive by train in a new city in India. Coolies hustle and bustle to and fro with cases, boxes and bags on their heads.
A teeming mass of people, ebbs and flows all around. The ever alert taxi drivers zoom in and all of a sudden you are bombarded with questions and offers, "Where do you want to go?" "My taxi is just over there," "Let me take you bag."
When I found a couple of drivers agreeing on a price, I learnt to just pick one and jump on in. Once I became established in the city I avoided hassle over fares and travelled by bus.
One evening while in Bangalore I needed to quickly get to a meeting across the other side of the city. I had no idea what bus to take. Then I spotted an auto rickshaw approaching and, knowing that they had meters, I hailed it. I got in behind the driver and announced my destination.
I noticed that he hadn’t turned on the meter so I politely requested him to do so. He waved his hand as if this was of no concern. I again asked him more insistently to switch on the meter. He half turned and with another wave of his hand said, "It’s O.K. Don’t worry about the meter!"
I became annoyed that he refused, twice, my requests to switch on the meter. I figured that he was trying to make a killing out of me, well he will have one angry man to deal with I thought. I started to plan in my mind that I would only give him half of what he asks, if this was the case.
When we arrived at my destination I got off and strode forward to face him. "Well?" I said with firm aggression written all over my face, "How much?"
"Nothing at all," he replied smiling, "I was coming this way anyway."
I couldn’t believe it! I was seriously deflated. Having worked myself up for a big fight because of my suspicions that he would try to cheat me I now felt deeply ashamed of myself. It was as though an area of darkness within was suddenly revealed.
I didn’t like what I saw. I had thought that I was open to people of other cultures and that I was a fair person. Now, I saw that I had seriously misjudged a person’s motives simply because he did not do what I asked or expected. I felt depressed.
I prayed about the experience. It slowly dawned on me that this revelation was a grace for me and allowed me to admit to a previously unconscious attitude. God was calling me to repentance.
The Learning
About a year later, now back in Fiji, I spent Christmas in a Fijian village. A house was provided for visiting priests and an outside shower, surrounded by a concrete wall. I enjoyed having my shower before breakfast every morning.
One morning I was behind schedule and was heading for my (routine) shower but I heard splashing from inside the bathroom. That surely sounds like someone washing clothes, I thought, and they haven’t even bothered to ask permission to use my shower! But in a moment, the memory of the rickshaw incident in Bangalore came to mind. So I said to myself, take it easy, have patience. Let’s see what is actually happening before jumping to any conclusions or accusations.
A few minutes later a man emerged from the shower holding up a scrubbing brush in his hand, "Father, I’ve just cleaned your shower for you," he said with a smile.
Was I ever thankful that I had held my peace!
Crossing over to new cultures and new ways of doing things had left me vulnerable. Our own routine patterns become disturbed. New situations have to be negotiated. Expectations go awry. Implicit meanings and understandings are no longer shared. Efforts at communication fail. And so, deeply hidden fears and reactions emerge which don’t sit easily with our self-image. We come face to face with our shadow side.
But the Good News is that we can learn from these difficult experiences and begin to open our hearts and minds even further, one day at a time.
Columban Fr Frank Hoare SSC was ordained in 1973 and is a missionary priest in Fiji.
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