Fools for Christ - Fr. Brian Gore

After nearly 37 years as a missionary priest I sometimes ask myself “If I was a young man today, would I make the same choice again?” And again “Have I wasted my life?” And yet again “Was it all worthwhile?”

Of course it is easier to be wiser with hindsight. We don’t often have the luxury of hindsight when we have to make choices in our life’s journey.  We are to a great extent the product of our time and we live in a very different time today, both in our Church and in our world.

I grew up in a pre-Vatican II Church. My early Catholic formation was secure and sure. I grew up certain that my Church was the only true church and that everyone else was wrong. I had to continually struggle to claim my identity as a person and as a good Catholic. I belonged to a group that took on all the rest and this made me strong and confident.

At the age of 16 I believed strongly that God was calling me to be a missionary priest - not a diocesan and not a religious brother - a missionary priest, because that was the best and most challenging way I could serve God. I still can’t resist a good challenge!

In the Catholic community at that time, being a priest was greatly admired and affirmed. It was the best thing that any young Catholic boy could do. I don’t believe that thinking is common today. But for an idealistic person, this was a powerful attraction, a challenge I could not resist.

Seminary life was a partial eye-opener in terms of understanding my vocation. My real education and formation as a priest began the day I stepped off the “Changsa” in Manila harbor in 1969. I thought “Oh boy, what have I got myself into now?” At 25 I thought I could make it because I had all the answers tucked away in my trunk!  Was I in for a shock?

In fairness to the seminary formation I did get a lot of the basics which helped me in my priestly ministry … but there were no textbooks which discussed how to be a good priest in a revolutionary situation!

What I have learnt as time goes on is that my vocation finds different expressions as the situation changes. There is no one unchangeable way of exercising my priestly ministry.

I believe our God is a God of surprises. Every year when I celebrate my ordination anniversary I always say “Well, God, what surprises have you in store for me this year?”  It is never the same as it was before.

I have had my share of surprises over the years. This is what makes my vocation life-giving, what makes it worthwhile. I must, however, be open to the many challenges and opportunities for doing good, both great and small, which come my way.

When Niall O’Brien (RIP) and myself, were charged with multiple murder under the Marcos dictatorship, I thought to myself “Well, God, this one takes the cake!” You wouldn’t want too many surprises like that in a lifetime. Although, I must admit, I have dined out very nicely on that surprise many times over the past 20 years.

I learnt very early on as a young priest to see God at work in the people and events happening around me. These have made me the person and priest that I am today.

This brings me back to the first question, “If I was a young man today, would I make the same choice, knowing what I know now?” The answer is, I really don’t know. Yes, it has been worthwhile. Yes, I have grown as a person and in the understanding of my missionary priesthood. Yes, I have been able to do a lot of good with the help of wonderful people. Yes, it has been a lot of fun as well as a lot of heartbreak.

My priesthood today is very much the product of 37 years of trial and error, of reflection and prayer, of struggle and commitment, and of accompanying people in their desire for the fullness of ‘life’.

Now that I think about it, I just might be foolish enough to try it again!

Fr. Brian Gore

[Fr. Gore’s reflection on his vocation brings to mind the following poem]

The Fool

by Padraic Pearse

Since the wise men have not spoken, I speak that am only a fool;
A fool that hath loved his folly,
Yea, more than the wise men their books or their counting houses or their quiet homes,
Or their fame in men's mouths;
A fool that in all his days hath done never a prudent thing,
Never hath counted the cost, nor recked if another reaped
The fruit of his mighty sowing, content to scatter the seed;
A fool that is unrepentant, and that soon at the end of all
Shall laugh in his lonely heart as the ripe ears fall to the reaping-hooks
And the poor are filled that were empty,
Tho' he go hungry.
I have squandered the splendid years that the Lord God gave to my youth
In attempting impossible things, deeming them alone worth the toil.

Was it folly or grace? Not men shall judge me, but God.
I have squandered the splendid years:
Lord, if I had the years I would squander them over again,
Aye, fling them from me !
For this I have heard in my heart, that a man shall scatter, not hoard,
Shall do the deed of to-day, nor take thought of to-morrow's teen,
Shall not bargain or huxter with God ; or was it a jest of Christ's
And is this my sin before men, to have taken Him at His word?
The lawyers have sat in council, the men with the keen, long faces,
And said, `This man is a fool,' and others have said, `He blasphemeth;'
And the wise have pitied the fool that hath striven to give a life
In the world of time and space among the bulks of actual things,
To a dream that was dreamed in the heart, and that only the heart could hold.

O wise men, riddle me this: what if the dream come true?
What if the dream come true? and if millions unborn shall dwell
In the house that I shaped in my heart, the noble house of my thought?
Lord, I have staked my soul, I have staked the lives of my kin
On the truth of Thy dreadful word. Do not remember my failures,
But remember this my faith
And so I speak.
Yea, ere my hot youth pass, I speak to my people and say:
Ye shall be foolish as I; ye shall scatter, not save;
Ye shall venture your all, lest ye lose what is more than all;
Ye shall call for a miracle, taking Christ at His word.
And for this I will answer, O people, answer here and hereafter,
O people that I have loved, shall we not answer together?

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