Firm in faith

Thanks to my parents, I had an active Catholic faith as a child. We never missed Sunday Mass, and I received the sacraments of reconciliation, Eucharist and Confirmation. My parents were friends with several Columban Fathers and often would visit them or have them over for dinner. So, I heard many stories of missions in faraway lands - exotic stories that sounded adventurous.

I attended Catholic schools and became an altar server. In truth, I had no desire to be an altar server, but my mother insisted. I was determined to resist her, but when I saw all my school companions volunteer, I didn’t want to be left out, so I volunteered. Despite all this Catholic upbringing, I stopped going to Mass at the age of fourteen. In fact, from the age of fourteen to twenty, I probably attended Mass about five times. The few times I did, I would arrive in time for the Gospel to be read and leave immediately after receiving the Eucharist. I wanted to have the shortest experience possible. At this juncture of my life, friends and weekend parties were my highest priorities.

Today, people often ask me, why did I become a priest? I jokingly say that when I was a little child, I asked my parents, “Who is the man always last to arrive at church and the first to leave?” They responded, “The priest”. With that, I sarcastically stated that I would be a priest. Little did I know that a childish joke would become a reality. As Psalm 8 says: “From the mouths of infants and nursing babes You have established strength …”

My first sense of a priestly vocation came at the age of 21 when I read The Song of Bernadette, which is about the life of the visionary of Lourdes, St Bernadette Soubirous. What moved me about her were two points.

First, she had such a strong experience that no one could persuade her otherwise, not even when threatened by governmental and law enforcement authorities. Although intimidated, Bernadette didn’t back down. Second, her later life as a nun. Too sickly for missionary work in foreign lands, which was her strongest desire, she was placed in charge of the infirmary because, as her superior put it, “she spends all her time there anyway”.

Columban Frs Patrick Dore and Chris Saenz (right). Photo: Fr Chris Saenz SSC

Bernadette proved to be a healer with traditional herbal medicines and other remedies. Her care for her fellow Sisters was highly praised. More importantly, she wanted to lead a simple humble life away from the fame of Lourdes. Many church dignitaries and nobles would visit the convent requesting to see the little visionary. Bernadette didn’t like to be bothered but complied out of obedience.

Once, Bernadette saw a woman wandering the hallways of the convent and inquired what she  needed. The woman replied, “I came to see the little visionary of Lourdes”. Bernadette pointed to a door and said, “If you watch that door, you’ll see her go through it”. Without another word, Bernadette left the woman’s presence and walked through the door. 

Although I had heard St Bernadette’s story many times as a child, it touched me differently than before. Bernadette reawakened in me the tradition of saints, mission, and service. She tapped into my parents’ efforts to instil a Catholic tradition and faith.

In time, I realised the faith was firmly planted in me; it had returned after a season of drought. Therefore, as a priest, I recognise that faith is not always a straight path but often a winding one with twists and turns. To step away may not mark a loss of faith but be a precursor to a later transformation.

Take heart that the seed that was planted will bear fruit - but in God’s time not ours.

Fr Chris Saenz lives and works in the United States.